Dora The Illegal

Picture your typical white, suburban, middle/upper-class American household. You would probably envision a hard-working father, along with a caring mother, with their two children. But would you ever think that those children would be able to speak Spanish as well as any 5 year-old in Mexico City? It’s not as far-fetched as you think, thanks to Nickelodeon’s little Frito Bandito, Dora the Explorer, has single-handedly taken America’s youth south of the border. In her show, Dora, along with her monkey friend Boots, take on magical quests that require Dora to speak Spanish and English. However, this near-overnight children’s starlet is not sitting well with some of America’s seat-holders.

“Before the year 1 A.D. [After Dora], children were content with learning a foreign language by reading menus,” explains East Shore, NE mayor Chad Harrison (R). “I’m just not buying the act. Dora bombards our children with pro-immigration messages and is a direct cause of the increasing number illegal aliens in this country. She disguises her propaganda by claiming to teach our children to accept other cultures.”

But our children aren’t the only ones in danger. The Axis of Stevil, thanks to granted access to Nickelodeon’s accounting files, discovered that Dora the Explorer retail sales have averaged nearly $1 billion a year since 2000. “That’s money right out of parents’ pockets. Even if some of it goes back into the country through taxes, it’s only a tiny percentage of the amount money that’s being funneled to those who don’t pay taxes,” continued Mayor Harrison. “Not to mention the number of children’s stars who have lost their jobs because of Dora.” Some of those stars include the ill-fated cast of Rugrats, Bob the Builder, who has been missing since was fired from his construction job in 2002, and even Nick Jr.’s former host, Face, who denied comment to our news team.

The Axis of Stevil encourages parents to delve into other cultures with your children so that the learning experience is shared. Keep in mind that the television shouldn’t be the only teaching tool used in your household.

Contributors: Dick (Featured image), Stevil (Copywriting), Graham (Copywriting)

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